


Bulletin Zero: Dear Goddess, Why

by Sirifall



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, M/M, Memo fic, like honestly could you imagine what these people would do with social media?, luckily this is probably the closest they'll get
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-11 22:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9038189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sirifall/pseuds/Sirifall
Summary: I have set this bulletin at the request of HR and as a result of multiple inquiries as to “what the shit is going on here”. Any and all Moon Base News shall be posted here, as well as (deities help us all) a hosted designated area for local inquiries, including posters for lost items, public scheduling, and so on. Please keep the goofs to a minimum. Please.





	1. BULLETIN 1 - 3

BULLETIN 1: GREETINGS

I have set this bulletin at the request of HR and as a result of multiple inquiries as to _“what the shit is going on here”_. Any and all Moon Base News shall be posted here, as well as (deities help us all) a hosted designated area for local inquiries, including posters for lost items, public scheduling, and so on. Please keep the goofs to a minimum. Please.

\- Director

BULLETIN 2: RE: DOGS ON THE MOON

Feel free to sign the petition below! Screw the system, we can get dogs on the moon if we try!

[A parchment of lined paper is hanging below, displaying multiple signatures in varying colors. ‘Killian’ and ‘Carey’ is written in green highlighter, ‘Johan’ is below that in simple black pen (along with a note: ‘if dogs are allowed, can we have cats too?’ to which someone responded ‘absolutely not’), ‘Angus’ is neatly scrawled in bright pink alongside ‘Taako’, also in bright pink. ‘Merle’ is also signed (with another note: ‘Magnus made me, ps, stop encouraging Boy Wonder’ and a response in the brightest glitter pen on the moon that simply reads ‘nah’). The rest of the page is blank.]

BULLETIN 3: LMAO

[This bulletin has no description.]


	2. BULLETIN 4 - 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Director enforces posting limits, Carey's Gay, and Brad shows up for some reason.

BULLETIN 4: YOU BOYS KNOW I READ THESE, RIGHT?

As I feared, our best Reclaimers have already begun posting here. Boys, I am a patient woman, so I will allow you _one_ posting a day. No time shenanigans, no ‘reclaimer rights’. This is your Reclaimer rights. One per day, or there will be no posting for a month. Yes, an entire month. Yes, time shenanigans included, an _entire month_. No, that does not include time spent on missions. Yes, I am fucking serious. I hope I have made myself clear.

\- Director

BULLETIN 5: LOOK AT MY GIRLFRIEND

[A startlingly lifelike charcoal sketch of Killian hangs below. There is no other description.]

BULLETIN 6: KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

Keep your heads up, everyone! I know the last year or so has been hectic, but we’ve taken a ton of fantastic strides in the recent months, and are now closer than ever to reaching our collective goal! That said, we have spent the last few weeks organizing another team-building vacation! Unfortunately, our camp counselor from last vacation is still having his own vacation after team-bonding exercises, but I assure you there will still be plenty to do this time around! Further information will be posted in a few weeks! See you then!

\- Brad (HR)

BULLETIN 7: RE: KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

Hi Brad. -Mags

BULLETIN 8: RE: RE: KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

Hello Magnus!

\- Brad (HR)


	3. BULLETIN 9 - 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angus gets goofed, Taako is rejected, and the Directer wins, always.

BULLETIN 9: ERRANT THOUGHTS

Hello friends! Feel free to write any thoughts you have on the Fantasy Post-its below, as an alternative to bulletins! That way, the ‘RE: RE:’ system doesn’t go to infinity! Pretty neat, right?

[There is an arrow pointing to an empty space, presumably where the Fantasy Post-its would have been placed.]

BULLETIN 10: RE: ERRANT THOUGHTS

Looks like my system’s been goofed. Fortunately, I have a back-up plan! This new set is magically welded, so good luck stealing these puppies!

[There is an arrow pointing to a thick pad of colorful Fantasy Post-its. A single post-it stands beside it, with a note written in glitter pen: ‘dammit ango you could pretend to be stupid for once’, to which someone replied ‘Sorry sir! It was a good goof!’.]

BULLETIN 11: FOOD

Everyone, make sure to send in this month’s suggestions for the cafeteria menu to the appropriate office! That’s Office #1442, please! Make sure to keep the suggestions and/or goofs PG-13 this month, guys, and remember to actually send in recipes you want made.

[A group of post-its hang below: ‘are we allowed to send in multiple suggestions’ – ‘Yes’ – ‘am I allowed to send in multiple suggestions’ – ‘No’]

BULLETIN 12: PLACE YOUR BETS!

‘Kitz’ meeting in Office # 6391 for winnings exchange and third round predictions! This week’s winners are: Magnus, Carey, Angus, and Madam Director.

[Post-it: ‘Isn’t it weird having the Director in on this sort of stuff?’]

[Post-it: ‘It’s only weird if you make it weird.’]


	4. BULLETIN 13 - 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus gives up some arms, Taako gets dunked on, and subtlety is thrown out the window (but it doesn't make that much of a difference).

BULLETIN 13: SPARE PARTS

Hey everyone! Team Sweet Flips is looking for any spare parts No.3113 can use for odd repairs. No worries, she’s not damaged ATM, but it’s always good to have these things on hand! Come visit Killian or Carey in the training room, or hand off parts to Avi for inspection. Thanks!

[Post-it: ‘Does she need any arms? I have tons.’]

[Post-it: ‘Anything you have could help!’]

[Post-it: ‘Cool cool.’]

BULLETIN 14: MISSION INFO

Avi here! Thanks to everyone donating parts, we now have a surplus of supplies (most of it from Mags Robot Arm Collection, which I’m… not really sure how he got so many?) and, as a bonus, I’ll be conducting some engineering experiments with a few pieces (so if you hear explosions, don’t worry, it’s probably me). Anyway, next mission is a big one, so if you’re still healing for your last trip to the surface I don’t think it’s a good idea to go on this one. Any volunteers can go to Office # 1448 for mission info and sign-up sheets.

[Post-it: ‘wait, we actually do shit here? i thought we only did relic junk’]

[Post-it: ‘Eh, we can’t all be reclaimers.’]

[Post-it: ‘but what do we DO thats not relic stuff??’]

[Post-it: ‘We do Nunya! – K’]

[Post-it: ‘?’]

[Post-it: ‘Nunya business! – C’]

BULLETIN 15: KITZ CONFIRMED?

Hello fellows! There’s been a few more sightings of ‘Kitz’ so I think it’s about time to cash in the third round predictions! This rounds winners are: Angus, Johan, and Leon. Please go to Office # 6391 to drop off/pick up winnings and send in next round predictions!

[Post-it: ‘whats kitz?’]

[Post-it: ‘Nothing, Sir! Just a string of bets, is all!’]

[Post-it: ‘i wanna join’]

[Post-it: ‘You will not. – Director’]

[Post-it: ‘Don’t worry buddy, I’ll give you my winnings’]

[Post-it: ‘fine’]


	5. BULLETIN 16 - 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confirmed.

BULLETIN 16: WHAT… IS THIS?

[Post-it: ‘krav pls’]

[Post-it: ‘Confirmed’]

[Post-it: ‘I believe Merle owes me my winnings. – D’]

[Post-it: ‘oh come on at least wait til the announcement!’]

BULLETIN 17: CONFIRMED

The last prediction round closed… a lot sooner than most people thought it would, but there are still a few more things to iron out before the jig is up! ‘Kitz’ meeting in Office # 3275 this time, due to a little electronic-related explosion in the usual office. Try not to get lost! This rounds winners are: Angus, Leon, and Madam Director.

[Post-it: ‘ok, now im like super curious. whats kitz??’]

[Post-it: ‘Nevermind that. – D’]

[Post-it: ‘no, no “nevermind” i wanna know’]

[Post-it: ‘ango help me out here im too dumb for this’]

[Post-it: ‘Don’t worry Sir, I’ll explain everything when the bets are over!’]

BULLETIN 18: KITZ

The jig is now ‘up’. My apologies to this round’s participants, but there will be no more betting until you all learn to be more subtle. Also, please stop excluding Taako from these things, he gets very upset. – K

[Post-it: 'Damn it Krav I had ten coins on your next date spot!’]

[Post-it: ‘tough shit my dude, its what yall get’]

[Post-it: ‘Kravitz could you settle just one more thing? Just one?’]

[Post-it: ‘What is it.’]

[Post-it: ‘Did he confess yet?’]

[Post-it: ‘SHUT UP CAREY I WILL MAGIC MISSILE UR ASS’]

[Post-it: ‘He’s been building up to it.’]


End file.
